Dear Coach,
I’ve been trying to make good, strong Eye Contact when presenting, but I often notice that when I look right at someone to talk to them, they quickly turn their head or avert their eyes to avoid looking back at me. This can throw me off my game. Please advise.
Connectionless
Dear Connectionless,
Standing up and giving a presentation gives you the Power Position in the room – even if it doesn’t always feel like that to you. When you look right at someone, they may get the feeling they’re back in 3rd grade and you’re the teacher, about to ask them something they don’t know, or humiliate them in ways only 3rd grade teachers know how to do. The pressure is too much, so they instinctively avert their gaze.
Fortunately, I can offer some advice here. The first thing to do is to remain calm. Don’t let it upset you. Realize that some people need time to warm up to you as the speaker in the power position. If a person looks away immediately when you look and speak to them, look at other people for a while and check back in with them later. Maybe instead of looking at them for one sentence, look at them for only a few words. Sooner or later they’ll warm up to you and the problem will be solved.
If that doesn’t work, the next thing to do is check your facial expression. If you appear intimidating in any way, people will naturally look away from you. If you assume a friendly, approachable demeanour, then not only will will audience members feel better – so will you .
The Coach